Thursday, September 20, 2012

Setting-baazi, Love, Relationships etc.

Meet us! We are the so called 'Mard Jaats'. We are in abundance, 1000 for every 938 girls and demand weakens with supply. We 'Mards' have been cursed with every spell been ever made, from the 'connoisseur of sex' to 'ill mannered freak' there hardly been a single tag left with which we have never refereed to. Problem lies in our abundance.

Let me explain, I am a simple Engineering student. Talking about my class, it has around 15 girls and 45 boys and my class has one of the highest proportion of girls. The condition of core branches has always been pathetic with hardly 3 to 4 girls, in which only 1 or 2 are there without mustache. After filtering odd ones out, we only left on the mercy of 'not more than 2 to 3 pretty girls/class' on an average and for these '2 to 3 girls, whole class bang their head'. Few boys end up liking their photos on 'Facebook' and few keep proposing them over the messages in disguised form of 'love shayaris'. We boys have nothing like attitude. If a girl don't reply for half an hour we decide to not to reply to her message ever. The next second, when your mobile beeps and her name appears as sender, you happily open her message with an unusual smile and reply as soon as possible to not to lose the momentarily gained momentum. Story repeats and our pseudo commitments too. This attitude thing is really bringing a bad name for us. Problem lies in abundance, they are hens with golden eggs, we are cocks with nothing to lay.

There was a guy I don't want to take name of. When he entered our group of 6, we already had 2 couples, and two others were, me and another girl. I have an old record of being single in group of committed ones. The newly entered guy was quick enough to smell the existing dynamics. Don't know if he had a book of '101 ways to woo girls' or what, he seriously put that single girl by his side. From 'arranging chair to make her sit' to 'giving her handkerchief whenever she wanted' he did everything. She was so impressed with her new pet that she suggested me :
"Ashish, you never cares. Be like him and soon you would get your girlfriend".

I can never treat a girl like 'Abla Naaris' , specially when i am in a group of friends.

A faithful dog can soon earn an owner for him and that guy proved it.....:D

Now there is another side of story. My physics teacher had once told me that always explain others by giving them an example. Demo in terms of 'Phunsuk Wangdu' but i don't have 'Chutnney' right now. I had already given you one (not 'Chhutney', I am talking about Example.)

I was in first year of my Engineering, when i met a girl. (Not of my college). She was damn good looking. It is their look which deceives us. I was mesmerized and then followed what you can easily guess. Things went normal till the time we got committed. Later, I lost my wings and she lost her patience. We broke after 4 month of commitment.

According to a survey, 7 in every 10 break ups, are initiated by males. Why things take a tide against shore after commitment? What irritates the boys most, Who is really responsible?

See, I am not an expert but i have been through few relationships(I am being a super stud, it's actually 3 or say 2 because last one was an accident.) After these three/two relationships I came to know about the hidden secrets of being single. Below, listed problems are experienced by me. In your case, it can be different. Apologies to girls reading the post. Most of the facts are funny, fact is what they are :    

1). JANU/BABY/SHONA/GUDDA, I will not leave a single nickname for you:

Get ready to get 'poopies' messages from your 'GF'. It is the first pre-settled rule to get and give a nickname. A single nickname??? Not sure. You will enjoy these nicknames in the beginning with the hope that later on she would stop calling you with such annoying names, but to your regret, she will never. Her bonding with your nicknames will get stronger and stronger with time. Adding to your woes, she can discover new ones too. This is not all, she will expect a nickname for her too, and you have to reply to her messages with those names. See the demo, directly from my long deleted inbox:

"Missing you my Baby"

"Muaahh.....My bacchaa"

"Mera Shonu, monu Gudda"

They could give us a single name and we can grow an appetite for it too but no, If they can use several names, they will. 

2). Work???? What the hell is this??

Girls can never be a professional or practical in commitment. Your GF has no work to do. She sit, she sleep, she wake up with her cellphone and will keep reminding you that you have it too. If she is a hosteler, congrats, 'Aapki to Batti lag gyi'.

"Janu, Babu kya kar rha hai? Apni shona ko miss kar rha hai??" (Miss to tab karega naa jab yaad ayegi, Tu to yaad se jaati bhi nhi ki fir aa jati hai.)

From 'Good Morning' to 'Good Night', she will not leave a single event of the day. This is not all, you have to reply to all these messages.

"For her's every 'Good Morning' message there should be a counter 'Good Morning' reply from you, otherwise she can turn your 'Good morning' into What-the-hell-is-good-in-this-morning"

"Baby what are you doing?" This message simply means, you have to talk to me right now.

In the case of your excuse of work she would simply say, "Han han, tum hi busy ho. Hum to vellen hain."  and unknowingly, she is actually telling you the truth. 

3). For being my true boyfriend, You have to learn the tales of my family:

They can talk about their families for hours. Starting right from Ma-Papa, passing through Chacha-Chachi, Mama-Mami,  she will take you to her favorite cousins. Not once but many times, whenever she want, she can start with her 'Amar Chitra Katha'.

"My family cares a lot for me. My brother, my Ma-Papa, everybody loves me."

(Ohho, so your family cares for you. Lucky one, Hame to ghar se dhakke maar ke nikaal diya gya hai.)

We boys don't express what we need not to".
There is nothing like obvious in the dictionary of Girls. This 'obvious' word can shorten their endless talks so they don't care about its existence.

4). Bed Time stories : You have to listen to her every activity of the day:

I already told you that these girls have no work to do except sending you the 'Poopies' messages all day but never mind, they are good in story-telling.  

"I met my childhood friend today. Wow!!!" 

(Oh it's really exiting, provided your friend must be hot.)

"Tumhari jaanu ne aj maggi bhi khayi" 

(Oh really?? Maggi?? How did you get it. From Himalayas? Oh my baby, I am proud of you.)

"Itni garmi hai, mujhe to rashes ho gye" 

(Now what do you want, should i come and apply Boroline?)

"Aj main ladd li apne best friend se" Console her. Doesn't matter she is right or wrong, just console her.
 (Koi baat nhi baby, she does not deserve to be your friend.)

 She would tell you her future plans too.

"Kal to hum shopping pe jayenge" (................)

I really loved to keep quite on these lines. If you give her an enthusiastic reply she can call you to shopping with her other friends on too. Shopping with your Gf's friend can simply land you into 'No man's Land'. 

 5). This word "NARAAZ" :

This word has been a blockbuster in every known relationship. Being Naaraz frequently is the favorite timepass for girls. They can spend their and waste their bf's hour on this word 'Naraaz'. A normal person don't like anybody's company when he is annoyed or angry but 'Women are from Venus'.

One girl always pings me on Facebook after getting into a fight with her BF (who is friend of mine too).

"Usse bolna ki main naaraaz hun." ( you get into fight for amusement too. Obviously, he knows that you must be upset. What's left to tell him then?)

Like i earlier said, 'Obvious' do not exist in their dictionary.

"I am really breaking up with my BF." (So what, should i fill the vacancy?)

They do not think twice before sharing anything that should not be shared at that point of time.

6). Oleeeeeeeeeeee....Babyyyyyyyyy......Awwwwwwwwww:

Buy a 'pamper' and give it to your Gf. She would tug it around your waist. I can't understand the purpose behind stretching the last word to an unbearable extent. We are not babies. Are we?

B : "I get a backache/headache."
G : "Awwwwwwwwwwwwww"
B : "My hand got Injured"
G :"oleeeeeeee baby" 
B : "I am hungry"   
G : "Ooooo, mera januuuuu bhukha hai." (Keep guessing, whether she is asking it more time or just repeating your words in Cheesy Dipped language.) 

7). Look straight, talk with me :

When you have your own lunch box, don't try to look for what others have in theirs. We 'Mard Jaats' are 'born-flirts' for girls.
Your GF would never allow you to look at other girls. There can be two reasons behind it:

1). It would make her feel that she is not looking as pretty as the girl you are looking at.

2). She would think that his bf is not as interested in her anymore.

"I don't like when you talk with that girl. What if i start talking to XYZ?"
(Aree ja na meri maa, Kisne roka hai.)

8). Your friends have plans to kill you. Stay with me : 

A girl can never like you to be one among the bunch of boys. She keeps a record of time which you have spent with her vs. time spent with your boys group. She can never bear the fact that instead talking to her you are boozing with your friends.

"Pee rhe hoge friends ke saath. Meri to yaad aati nhi." (Tumhare saath peeyun to accha lagega kya.)

"Be Jungli, or whatever, I don't have to say a word now." (Thank god!)

"I don't have to say a word......" Girls talk a lot after delivering this line. Beware! They are from Venus. 

This isn't enough. Going for an outing with common group of friends?? Stay within the distance of 10 cm from her. Sit beside her always, hold her hand sometime to make her believe that yes, you still like her. Don't talk with other friends beyond her limit of acceptance etc. etc.

"Jao jao, ussi ko phone karo. Tab to bda ucchal ucchal ke taali maar rhe the."

This is all. I am finding no words to close this post off formally.
So, keep visiting. Fortunately, i have a comment box below this post. Drop your views and let me know what do you think.

Thank you for being with my writing.

Hasta Luego!!!!


  1. Can't say that I can totally relate to it. :P Most guys I meet get angry because I give more priority to my work than talking to them about their not-so-interesting events of the day.Guys who just wanna talk n talk all day without any work :D

    Nick name, yeah. I gave you some too. :P They aren't fixed though :D

    In short, there are even guys who behave like this.. And going by this account of girls and assuming it to be true, I doubt if they are guys :P

    1. Aree I know you are different 'Ferrari' :) I know dat......But more than 50% girls lies in the category discussed above and we boys call them typical..:D

      Well anyway thanks for the comment..Keep Vrooming Ferrarii.....:D

  2. Entertaining post Ashish...nice read !!

    1. Thank you so much Engram....Keep visiting..:))

  3. Once again ashish, a blockbuster :) :) Try to improve on your grammar :P There were some grammatical mistakes.

    1. Grammatical mistakes are inevitable in my case i think :D....I will try to improve. Well,glad to have your comment here....:)

  4. your inspiration

    1. I am not aware of what chikipedia really is....Well thanks for telling me about the inspiration...:)


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